Capital Reviews

 3NA: Dream BBQ: Lonely Door [game] THE CORE MAGIC OF ENA IS THE FEELING OF A NOT CORRECTLY/FULLY TRANSLATED 1990S PS1 GAME THAT ALSO HAS EXTREME VIDEOGAME MOON LOGIC, SO NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE. SPECIFICALLY PERSONA 1, MAJORA'S MASK (WHICH *IS* TRANSLATED WELL IN ENGLISH BUT THE CREATOR ISN'T A NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKER) AND 90S CD ROM GAMES. I DID NOT LIKE THE IDEA OF THEM ACTUALLY MAKING AN ACTUAL GAME, BECAUSE BEING INSCRUTABLE IS THE POINT. THE GAME IS GENERALLY OKAY ENOUGH BY BEING ITSELF TOTAL NONSENSE. I DON'T KNOW I WILL KEEP PLAYING MORE CHAPTERS WHEN THEY COME OUT. BUT THIS PASSED THE LINE OF BEING OKAY ENOUGH IT DIDN'T RUIN IT LIKE I THOUGHT IT WOULD.  PS. IT IS VERY WEIRD IT DIDN'T HAVE GRID BASED MOVEMENT IN THE 'DUNGEONS' OUTDOORS THAT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN RIGHT, BUT EVERY SINGLE INDOOR AREA HAD THE GRID SETUP THEN JUST HAD FREE MOVEMENT ANYWAY. 

 Yakuza: Like a Dragon [game] I REALLY LIKE THIS GAME, I LIKED THE STORY, I LIKED THE CHARACTERS. BUT GOOD LORD DID I BURN OUT ON PLAYING IT. I FEEL LIKE YOU JUST KINDA FUNDIMENTALLY MAX OUT ON EVERYTHING AND ALL THE CHARACTERS HAVE SUCH SOLIDLY CORRECT CHOICE CLASSES THAT THE GAMEPLAY STOPS BEING FUN, THEN IT BECOMES SO EASY TO JUST BUTTON MASH THROUGH THE CUT SCENES DISCONNECTING FROM ANYTHING. MAN, I FEEL GUILTY HOW LITTLE I ENJOYED THE SECOND HALF OF A GAME THAT I KNOW IS GOOD.  PS. THE EXPLANATION FOR ALL THE RPG AND SUPERNATURAL ELEMENTS JUST BEING "THE MAIN CHARACTER IS INSANE" RULES. 

 100 dinge [movie] THIS MOVIE MAKES ME SO IRRATIONALLY ANGRY. LIKE TWO RICH GERMAN GUYS HAVE TOO MUCH STUFF SO MAKE A BET THEY CAN LIVE WITH 100 'THINGS' STARTING NAKED WITH NOTHING AND GETTING ONE THING ADDED PER DAY AND SEE WHO CAN LAST LONGER. BUT THE RULES ARE SO VAUGE AND FLOATY. THE MOVIE DOESN'T TRACK WHAT THEY HAVE, THEY JUST GET OBJECTS SOMETIMES, THEY SWAP ITEMS WHEN THEY NEED NEW THINGS. IT FEELS INFURATING TO WATCH. PS. I FEEL LIKE THIS WHOLE TRIP WAS A WEIRD GUIDED LESSON TO LEARN EVERY PART OF THE HISTORY OF THE WORD DINGUS. 

  Camp Damascus [book, audiobook] CHUCK TINGLE BOOKS ARE MOSTLY JUST A FUNNY COVER AND A FUNNY TITLE AND THE BARE MINIMUM WRITING TO PUT IT FOR SALE. BUT HE REALLY IS A GOOD AUTHOR WHEN HE IS ACTUALLY TRYING. I FEEL LIKE NO ONE ELSE WOULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS BOOK LIKE THIS. LIKE IT WRITES THE MAIN CHARACTER WELL IN A WAY IT'D BE EASY TO MAKE THEM A JOKE AND THE HORROR PREMISE IS LEGITIMATELY GOOD AND ORIGINAL. LIKE IT'S HELLRAISER SAW THE TV GLOW BUT NOT A STORY LIKE ANYTHING I CAN REALLY THINK OF EXACTLY. PS. I REALLY AND HONESTLY THINK MY FAVORITE PART IS EVERYONE CALLING HORROR MOVIES "TERROR MOVIES". IT JUST FELT LIKE THE MOST AUTHENTIC AND REAL THING POSSIBLE ABOUT TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO GREW UP IN A WEIRD ISOLATED CHRISTIAN CULT. IT'S NEVER COMMENTED ON BUT 100% SOLD THE CHARACTER TO ME MORE THAN ANYTHING All reactions:

  Dogman [movie] THE BOOKS HAVE BEEN AROUND FOREVER. ENOUGH I KNEW THE PREMISE. BUT THE PREMISE IS SO FUNNY I ALWAYS ASSUMED IT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THAT AND THERE JUST BE SOMETHING THAT SOFTENS IT OR SOMETHING. BUT NOPE. DOG AND A COP ARE MAIMED WHILE DISARMING A BOMB AND THE DOGS HEAD IS GRAFTED ONTO THE GUYS BODY. THE GUY ISN'T EVEN DEAD! THE DIPPY NURSE JUST WANTS TO DO IT. PS. THIS IS DEFINITELY FOR LIKE 7 YEAR OLDS. IT'S NOT PUSS IN BOOTS 2 SO ISN'T SUPER WATCHABLE AS AN ADULT BUT IT'S CLEARLY SUPER GOOD IF YOU WERE IN LIKE THIRD GRADE.

 Memoir of a snail [movie] I LIKED THIS, DON'T SAY I DON'T. BUT LIKE, MEH? I WANTED THIS TO BE BETTER. I DON'T LIKE THE ENDING TRYING TO BE SOME "YOU NEED TO COME OUT OF YOUR SHELL TO LIVE LIFE" BECAUSE WHAT? AT NO POINT IN THE MOVIE WAS THAT ANYONE'S PROBLEM. SHE INSTANTLY LOVED AND ACCEPTED THE HUSBAND AND WAS HURT FOR IT, THE BROTHER CERTAINLY, THE DAD TRIED TO BE A FRENCH STREET PERFORMER IN THE WRONG STREET. EVERY PROBLEM WAS SOMEONE GETTING OUT THERE.  PS. IT'S NOT FAIR BUT I THINK I THINK OF THIS AS WORSE MORAL ORAL. IT'S NOT THAT SIMILAR BUT IT IS. MORAL ORAL WORKED BECAUSE IT WAS 90% CARTOON NONSENSE SO WHEN SOMETHING SERIOUS HAPPENED IT HIT LIKE A TON OF BRICKS. THIS WAS 90% SERIOUS WITH LITTLE BITS OF CARTOON NONSENSE AND IT FEELS LIKE THAT JUST SAPPED THE TONE