Capital Reviews

 Moon Garden [movie] EH, THIS MOVIE IS SO CLOSE TO BEING AMAZING BUT IT'S KINDA LIKE MAD GOD WHERE IT JUST HAS A BUNCH OF VISUALS AND NOT MUCH MOVIE. IT'S KINDA OVER THE GARDEN WALL PLUS "WHAT IF A BABY WENT TO SILENT HILL" BUT THERE ISN'T A TON OF WEIGHT TO IT. IT'S A LOT OF VISUAL ELEMENTS THAT YOU GET WHAT THEY ARE GOING FOR BUT JUST ARE KINDA WHATEVER. IT'S TOO BAD! IT'S A COOL LOOKING MOVIE! PS. I FEEL LIKE IF THIS WAS A NON ENGLISH LANGUAGE MOVIE I WOULD OF LOVED IT. LIKE SOMETHING TO HIDE NO ONE COULD ACT. IT'S SO SAD TOO, THE BABY ACTUALLY *COULD* ACT AND THAT IS THE HARD PART, THEN IT'S ALL DRAGGED DOWN BY ALL THE ADULTS KINDA JUST NOT BEING GOOD AT TALKING. IF THIS WAS IN SPANISH I WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN AND IT'D HAVE BEEN GREAT. 

 28 Years Later [movie] I DEFAULT DISLIKE ZOMBIE MEDIA. I DON'T WANT TO SAY IT'S PERFECT OR ANYTHING BUT I HAVE ALWAYS FELT LIKE 28 DAYS LATER IS THE CULMINATION OF EVERY SINGLE ZOMBIE THING. LIKE IT TOOK ALL THE THEMES AND MESSAGES AND TROPES OF ZOMBIE MEDIA, NAILED IT AND WE COULD WRAP UP ZOMBIES AFTER THAT. I BELIEVE THAT TO THE POINT I NEVER EVEN WATCHED THE SECOND ONE. I DID LIKE THIS THOUGH. I LIKE HOW ARTSY THE FILM MAKING WAS, WITH THE WEIRD CUT SCENES AND ZELDA ENEMY DAMAGE STUTTER AND EXTREME ATTACK ON TITANS ZOMBIES. PS. I STRONGLY FEEL LIKE THIS MOVIE IS GOOD, BUT IS SO CLEARLY THE MINIMUM POSSIBLE MOVIE THEY COULD MAKE TO SET UP THE REAL MOVIE THAT IS APPARENTLY COMING SOMETIME LATER. LIKE THE WHOLE MOVIE FEELS A LITTLE THIN THEN ENDS WITH THE ABSOLUTELY WILDEST ENDING YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE TO SET UP (THE MOVIE I JUST LOOKED UP THAT IS CALLED "28 YEARS LATER: THE BONE TEMPLE"  WHICH IS A GARBAGE NAME) 

 Parable of the Talents [book, audiobook] I CONTINUE TO BE SO FRUSTRATED BY OCTAVIA BUTLER. THERE IS SOME STUFF SHE WRITES SO WELL AND THEN SOME THINGS SHE JUST DOESN'T. BUT THEN THE PARTS THAT ARE BAD ARE SO OBVIOUSLY BAD THAT IT'S EASY TO GET INTO A LOOP OF "HEH, I'M SMARTER THAN HER FOR NOTICING THIS CONTRADICTION IN HER WRITING' BUT THEN THE CONTRADICTION BEING SO BLATENT IT BECOMES UNCLEAR IF MAYBE THAT WAS THE POINT OF THE BOOK. LIKE MAYBE SEEING THE PARALLELS IS THE WHOLE POINT AND THE BOOK IS SMARTER THAN ME BY DOING A GOOD JOB LEADING ME TO THINK THE THINGS THE BOOK IS SET UP TO MAKE ME THINK? ALSO  PS. LIKE THE FIRST ONE THIS CONTAINED SO MUCH SIMPSONS PREDICTED IT TYPE STUFF. I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT, I JUST CAN'T. BUT I ABSOLUTELY GENUINELY LOVE THE REVERSE MAD MAX II THING THAT HAPPENED TWICE. THE FACT THERE WAS NEVER EVER A SEQUEL AFTER THIS MAKES ME THINK THEY JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO PROGRESS THE STORY AND KEPT WANTING TO RESET THE STAKES ...

 Slaughter Disc [movie] MEH, THIS IS NOTHING. IT'S LIKE 90% PORNOGRAPHY WITH THE THINNEST 10% HORROR MOVIE CONNECTING THE SCENES. I DON'T MEAN LIKE SOME MORAL OUTRAGE TYPE WAY, JUST, THAT IS ACTUALLY WHAT IT IS AND IT'S NOT NEARLY INTERESTING ENOUGH TO PULL THAT OFF. PS. IT FEELS WEIRD HOW "EVIL VHS TAPE' IS A PRETTY LARGE GENRE BUT 'EVIL DVD' JUST NEVER WAS ANYTHING. 

 Crisis on Infinite Earths: Part III [movie] I DON'T SPEAK ANY FOREIGN LANGUAGES FLUENTLY AT ALL. BUT I AM GENERALLY OKAY AT LIKE, WORKING OUT BASIC CONVERSATIONS JUST THROUGH COGNATES AND CONTEXT AND HAVING A GOOD MEMORY AND SO ON. BUT DOING THAT MAKES MY BRAIN TIRED IN A WAY NOTHING ELSE DOES. NOW I HAVE FOUND THE SECOND THING THAT MAKES ME FEEL THAT SORT OF TIRED: WATCHING THIS MOVIE AND JUST BARELY BEING ABLE TO HANG ON TO SCROUNGING MY BRAIN ENOUGH TO KNOW ALL THE COMIC BOOK STUFF. LIKE SOMEWHERE DEEP IN MY MIND I DO KNOW WHO KAMANDI IS, I DO KNOW WHAT PSYCHO PIRATE'S POWERS DO, ETC. I DON'T KNOW, I LIKE THEY DID SUCH AN ABSURDLY HARD CORE COMIC NONSENSE MOVIE, BUT ALSO THE ANIMATION WAS ABSURDLY BAD AND MADE IT KINDA HARD TO WATCH IN PARTS.  PS. ACTUAL REAL CANONICAL ENDING TO BATMAN THE ANIMATED SERIES!?

 Bring Her Back [movie] THIS IS A REALLY GOOD, REALLY BRUTAL HORROR MOVIE. NOT AN ALEGORY FOR ANYTHING, NOT A GENRE HOMOGE, NOT A 80S THROW BACK, NOT TORTURE PORN, NOT A SLASHER SEND UP, NOT ANYTHING ANY HORROR MOVIE IS THESE DAYS. JUST A REALLY WELL DONE ACTUAL HORROR MOVIE THAT IS SCARY. (WELL, MAYBE MORE SCARY IF I DIDN'T WATCH IT AT LIKE 2PM ON A MONDAY). JUST A GREAT SHOWER WITH YOUR DAD SIMULATOR WITH A REALLY AWFUL FOSTER MOM.  PS. FOR SOME REASON IT'S VERY FUNNY TO ME THAT THE EVIL SATANIC NECROMANCER CORRESPONDENCE SCHOOL TAPES HAVE SUBTITLES. LIKE THEY EVEN ORIGINALLY HAD RUSSIAN ONES, BUT THEN HAD HARD SUBS POSTED OVER IN ENGLISH.  LIKE, WHAT IS THE FANSUB COMMUNITY ON SATANIC WITCH VHSES?