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Greenland II: Migration [movie]

 Greenland II: Migration [movie] THIS MOVIE IS WEIRD, IT FEELS LIKE THERE WAS ALMOST SOMETHING TO IT. LIKE IT HAD SUCH A WEIRD TONAL DISCORD, LIKE IT WAS A FUN ADVENTURE DISASTER MOVIE BUT WAS SO RELENTLESS THAT THE DISASTER WAS ABSURDLY HOPELESS. LIKE INDEPENDENCE DAY SET IN "THE ROAD" OR SOMETHING. ALSO THEIR GOAL WAS SO WEIRD AND SO OVER THE TOP CLEARLY FAKE NONSENSE IT FELT SO CLEAR THERE WAS GOING TO BE A TWIST (BUT THERE WAS NOT, WHICH MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE! IT'S SUCH AN UNHAPPY ENDING BUT IT DOESN'T SEEM TO KNOW THAT?). ALSO IT'S KILLING ME, I READ A SHORT STORY AS A KID, ABOUT PEOPLE IN A VAULT IN GREENLAND AFTER THE END OF THE WORLD AND IT'S THIS BIG SPRAWLING HYPOTHETICAL ABOUT HOW IT'LL BE THE SPARK THAT GETS HUMANITY TOGETHER AND AFTER A HARD PERIOD THEY WILL RISE AGAIN AND GET TO THE STARS THEN THE BOOK ENDS WITH LIKE "THEY RAN OUT OF FOOD AFTER TEN YEARS" AND I CAN NOT FIND THAT STORY AND MY BRAIN WANTS IT TO BE "THE HUDDLING P...
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Goodnight Punpun Vol. 1 [book, comic]

 Goodnight Punpun Vol. 1 [book, comic] I'VE BEEN MEANING TO READ THIS FOR DECADES, IT'S A MID 2000S COMING OF AGE/DEALING WITH NOT FITTING IN/ALIENATION MANGA SERIES. WITH THE GIMMICK THAT IT'S DRAWN VERY DETAILED EXCEPT THE MAIN CHARACTER WHO IS A LITTLE DOODLE OF A BIRD GHOST THING.  PS. I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY DO CAPITAL REVIEWS.  IT'S 145 CHAPTERS, ACROSS SEVEN VOLUMES THAT ARE EACH AROUND 500 PAGES. BUT THE VOLUMES ARE PRETTY ARBITARY AND JUST START AND STOP WHEREVER. SO I GUESS I DO 7 REVIEWS?
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Timestalker [movie]

 Timestalker [movie] I REALLY LIKE THIS MOVIE, I LIKE THAT IT'S A WEIRD COMEDY IN A WEIRD HIGH CONCEPT SORT OF MOVIE THAT WOULDN'T NORMALLY BE A COMEDY AND I LIKE HOW MUCH IT'S NOT A ROMANCE.  PS. LEGEND OF ZELDA MOVIE (BLACKADDER MOVIE)
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Night of the Zoopocalypse [movie]

 Night of the Zoopocalypse [movie] THIS MOVIE IS NOTHING, IT'S A B- 3D ANIMATED KIDS MOVIE.   *HOWEVER* THE ORIGIN OF THIS MOVIE IS THAT CLIVE BARKER WROTE AN ADULT GRAPHIC NOVEL ABOUT PEOPLE STUCK IN A ZOO THE NIGHT OF A ZOMBIE APOCOLYPSE AND THE ANIMALS SLOWLY TURNING INTO MONSTERS. THEN BEFORE THAT WAS PUBLISHED THE RIGHTS TO IT GOT BOUGHT FOR A FILM. THEN CAME OUT TEN YEARS LATER AS A KIDS FILM. WHICH IS REALLY FUNNY. A CLIVE BARKER KIDS MOVIE. I MEAN, THE MOVIE ITSELF ISN'T REALLY ANYTHING SPECIAL, BUT THE IDEA AT LEAST IS REALLY FUNNY. I KINDA FEEL LIKE THE ONLY THING FROM THE ORIGINAL IS PROBOBLY THE START WHERE THE EGG IS A HEART THAT OPENS LIKE A VAGINA THEN THE RABBIT MOVES REALLY WEIRD FOR LIKE A SECOND.  PS. I LIKE THE WEIRD UNINTENTIONAL DEPTH WHERE THE STATED SPOKEN THEME OF THIS MOVIE IS "YOU ARE STRONGER TOGETHER" BUT THE FINAL FIGHT IS THE MAIN CHARACTER ALONE FIGHTING AN AMALGAMATE OF EVERY ANIMAL AND THE REAL MESSAGE IS MORE LIKE "GRACY IS PUNI...
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Trail of the Screaming Forehead [movie]

 Trail of the Screaming Forehead [movie] I DON'T DISLIKE IT. I LIKE IT WELL ENOUGH, BUT I THINK MY HEART IS TOO FULL OF SNOBBERY ABOUT BAD MOVIES AND I NEVER CAN ENJOY THESE THE WAY I SHOULD BE ABLE TO. LIKE I HAVE A KNEE JERK REACTION TO BAD ON PURPOSE MOVIES TO INSTANTLY DISLIKE THEM AND NOT ENJOY THEM AS MUCH AS I SHOULD. IT SUCKS!  PS. LIKE MY WHOLE REACTION TO THIS IS JUST SAYING "UMM WHY WOULDN'T YOU JUST WATCH 'FROM BEYOND'?" WHICH IS LIKE ONLY SUPERFICIALLY SIMILAR AND THAT SORT OF CRITISISM IS SOMETHING I WOULDN'T APPLY TO ANY OTHER GENRE. I JUST CAN NOT GET PAST MY ELITISM!
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Anaconda [movie]

 Anaconda [movie] MEH? IT FEELS LIKE THEY MADE THIS MOVIE WRONG. LIKE THEY HAD THREE IDEAS AND INSTEAD OF PICKING ONE THEY JUST MADE THEM IN ORDER AND MADE THAT THE MOVIE. LIKE THE FIRST THIRD IS A REALLY META THING ABOUT JACK BLACK'S CHARACTER IN UNIVERSE AQUIRING THE RIGHTS TO MAKE AN ANACONDA MOVIE AND IT BEING SOME SORT OF BE KIND REWIND REMAKE ABOUT ANACONDA. THEN THE MIDDLE PART IS A REALLY BORING ACTUAL REBOOT OF ANACONDA WITH SOME GOLD THEIF PLOTLINE THAT SUCKED. THEN THE LAST THIRD SUDDENLY BECAME EXTREMELY WACKY OVER THE TOP COMEDY? IT WAS JUST SUCH A WEIRD PROGRESSION OF THREE ALMOST ENTIRELY SEPORATE SEGMENTS. PS. THE ONLY REALLY GOOD PART IS SOMEONE GETTING BITTEN BY A SPIDER, THEN SAYING THEY NEEDED TO PEE ON IT AND SOMEONE POINTING OUT THAT IS JELLYFISH NOT SPIDERS, THEN THE ANSWER BEING "IT WORKS ON ALL ANIMALS" AND THAT BEING THE SOLUTION. 
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Hot Frosty [movie]

 Hot Frosty [movie] OH MAN, THIS IS A CHRISTMAS HALLMARK STYLE ROMANCE BUT THE PLOT IS THAT A SINGLE WOMAN GETS A MAGIC SCARF AND PUTS IT ON A HOT SNOWMAN THEN THE SNOWMAN IS ALIVE AND THEY FALL IN LOVE AND THE MOVIE IS SO STUPID IT RULES. IT'S LIKE A CHUCK TINGLE CONCEPT BUT WITH HALLMARK WRITING. ALSO THE WHOLE THING IS A NIGHTMARE BECAUSE HOT FROSTY IS CLEARLY A SMALL CHILD AND SHOULD NOT BE DATED BY THE ADULT WOMAN. THIS FEELS ESPECIALLY EMPHASIZED BY THE CLIMAX OF THEIR ROMANCE BEING HIM TAKING HER TO A MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCE.  PS. MY NIECE MADE US WATCH THIS AS A FAMILY AND THAT RULES. 
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