Capital Reviews

 Holiday Spirits [play] THIS WAS A SERIES OF SHORT PLAYS/READINGS THAT WERE CHRISTMAS THEME AND 'SCARY STORY' THEMED AND THE FIRST ONE WAS FLAT OUT AWFUL AND THE SECOND ONE WAS FAIRLY GENERIC SO IT FELT LIKE IT WAS GOING TO BE VERY MEH, BUT NO, IT ENDED UP REALLY GOOD.  NOT EVERY SECTION WAS A WINNER A FEW WERE PRETTY BAD (YETI MONKEY PAW WISH THING/CHRISTMAS TREE WHO CAN TALK AND IS JEWISH/EXTREMELY MUDDLED STORY ABOUT GLACIER STRIDERS), BUT IT ENDED UP WITH TWO LEGITIMATELY GOOD HORROR STORIES (GUY HAS TO LEAVE A PRESENT OF HUMAN BONES EVERY CHRISTMAS TO AN UNKNOWN CURSE/WOMAN GETTING STRANGE PHONE CALLS TO WANDER OFF INTO THE STORM) AND TWO LEGITIMATELY GOOD COMEDY ONES (KRAMPUS AND SANTA ARGUING FOR THE LIFE OF A CHILD/A NONOBSERVANT COUPLE TALKING ABOUT MIDSOMMER LIKE IT WAS THEIR RELIGION'S CHRISTMAS) I REALLY LIKED THIS! PS. SHADOW DUCK

 Halls of Torment [game] IT'S VAMPIRE SURVIVOR BUT DIABLO 2 BUT BAD.  PS. IT'S NOT THAT BAD, JUST WORSE THAN ALL THE OTHER GAMES LIKE THIS

 Piece by Piece [movie,nonfiction] THIS DIDN'T REALLY SEEM VERY GOOD OR BAD. IT WAS A FAIRLY SLIGHT INTERVIEW ANIMATED TO BE LEGO. THAT IS AN INTERESTING ENOUGH PREMISE BUT IT WAS A LOT OF "I COULDN'T THINK OF A SONG AND THEN I *COULD* THINK OF ONE" WHICH ISN'T VERY MUCH IN TERMS OF CINEMATICS. IT DID HAVE CARL SAGAN TALKING OVER LEGO MARTIN LUTHER KING.  PS. IT DID HAVE PG-SPRAY THAT KINDA SEEMS LIKE IT'S A HARDER DRUG THAN JUST WEED WOULD BE

 Arcane [television] MEH? THIS IS A FRUSTRATING SHOW. IT STARTS OUT SO MUCH BETTER THAN IT SHOULD BE AND IT NEVER REALLY GETS "BAD" BUT IT FEELS LIKE IT STARTED WITH THIS REALLY STRONG THEME AND POINT AND JUST DILUTED IT MORE AND MORE UNTIL IT WAS NOTHING. LIKE THE FIRST HALF OR SO IT'S A PAINFULLY ON THE NOSE BLUE SIDE AND A PURPLE SIDE AND THIS REALLY STRONG CENTRAL THESIS THE THINGS THAT MAKES SOMEONE GOOD ARE THE EXACT SAME THING THAT MAKES SOMEONE BAD AND THAT IT'S TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN. IT REALLY DID STUFF WITH THAT, IT HAD SO MANY SUBVERSIONS OF WHAT WOULD NORMALLY HAPPEN IN A SHOW. THEN IT JUST KEPT GOING AWAY FROM THAT TO WEREWOLF DADS AND TIME TRAVEL AND WHATEVER. I REALLY FEEL LIKE IT'S SUMMED UP THAT THE FIGHT IN THE END WAS YELLOW POWERS VS GREEN POWERS.  PS. ALSO IMAGINE DRAGONS EXISTS DIEGETICALLY IN THIS. LIKE, THE THEME SONG IS IMAGINE DRAGONS AND THEY ARE A BAND THAT EXISTS IN THE WORLD. (ALSO I SAW SOMEONE JOKE THAT EVERY MUSIC VIDEO SEGMEN...

 Deck the Halls [movie] A PAINFUL EARLY 2000S CHRISTMAS MOVIE WITH A PAINFULLY EARLY 2000S PREMISE. LIKE, DANNY DEVITO CAN SEE HIS NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE ON GOOGLE EARTH BUT NOT HIS OWN SO HE NEEDS TO LIGHT IT UP SO IT CAN BE SEEN FROM SPACE. BUT LIKE, WHAT? WHY CAN THEY SEE THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE? THEY HAND WAVE WHY IT'S LIVE BUT IT'S SUCH A EARLY 2000S "I HEARD ABOUT GOOGLE EARTH AND WANT TO MAKE A MOVIE WITH THAT BUT I HAVEN'T LOOKED OR THOUGHT ABOUT IT MUCH" PS. IT'S SO HARD TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE MOVIE THINKS THE RELATIVE MORALITY OF THE TWO CHARACTERS ARE. THEY ARE BOTH BAD AND LEARN THAT LESSON IN THE END BUT LIKE, THE APPARENT "GOOD GUY" IS SO CLEARLY A THOUSAND TIMES WORSE AND IT'S SO UNCLEAR IF THE MOVIE KNOWS THAT

 The Coffee Table [movie] EH, THIS IS ANXIETY BASED HORROR MOVIE AND THAT IS A GENRE THAT ODVIOUSLY WORKS WELL ON ME, BUT THIS GOT TO VERY THREE'S COMPANY LEVELS WITHOUT THERE BEING ENOUGH TO IT. I DIDN'T DISLIKE IT BUT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. PS. I FEEL LIKE IT WAS DRIVING ME CRAZY THAT I COULD NOT AT ANY POINT ENVISION WHAT HAPPENED. LIKE, 'WHAT HAPPENED' IS VERY OBVIOUS AND BRUTAL. THE WHOLE ENTIRE MOVIE IS ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES, BUT IT WAS MAKING ME CRAZY THAT I CAN NOT ENVISION EXACTLY HOW THE EVENT WENT. LIKE, SOMEONE NEEDS TO DRAW ME A VECTOR DIAGRAM OF HOW IT WORKED. LIKE, I KNOW THEY WANTED THE MOST GRUESOME THING THEY COULD THINK OF TO HAPPEN, BUT LIKE.... HOW. WHAT MOTION WAS HE DOING? I FEEL LIKE THIS QUESTION TAINTED MY ABILITY TO WATCH THIS ENTIRE MOVIE!