Capital Reviews

 Bring Her Back [movie] THIS IS A REALLY GOOD, REALLY BRUTAL HORROR MOVIE. NOT AN ALEGORY FOR ANYTHING, NOT A GENRE HOMOGE, NOT A 80S THROW BACK, NOT TORTURE PORN, NOT A SLASHER SEND UP, NOT ANYTHING ANY HORROR MOVIE IS THESE DAYS. JUST A REALLY WELL DONE ACTUAL HORROR MOVIE THAT IS SCARY. (WELL, MAYBE MORE SCARY IF I DIDN'T WATCH IT AT LIKE 2PM ON A MONDAY). JUST A GREAT SHOWER WITH YOUR DAD SIMULATOR WITH A REALLY AWFUL FOSTER MOM.  PS. FOR SOME REASON IT'S VERY FUNNY TO ME THAT THE EVIL SATANIC NECROMANCER CORRESPONDENCE SCHOOL TAPES HAVE SUBTITLES. LIKE THEY EVEN ORIGINALLY HAD RUSSIAN ONES, BUT THEN HAD HARD SUBS POSTED OVER IN ENGLISH.  LIKE, WHAT IS THE FANSUB COMMUNITY ON SATANIC WITCH VHSES? 

 Cade - The Tortured Crossing [movie] AH, YOU KNOW, THIS HAS BEEN AVALIABLE FOREVER BUT I NEVER GOT AROUND TO WATCHING IT. I THINK I HAVE LIKED LATER NEIL BREEM STUFF LESS THAN HIS EARLIER STUFF. AS SOON AS HE WENT ALL DOT JPG BACKGROUNDS IN EVERY SCENE IT GOT LESS FUNNY. LIKE, ABSOLUTELY THIS IS STILL GREAT. THERE IS STILL SO MANY WACKY MOMENTS AND IT RULES. BUT I FEEL GUILTY HOW MUCH A 90 MINUTE MOVIE FELT TOO LONG.  PS. LIKE, THE TIGER SCENE RULED, THE PEOPLE PLAYING THE KEYBOARD RULED, THE WINGED WARRIOR RULED, THE BUISNESSMAN ACTING RULED. I JUST DON'T LOVE THE STAR WARS GREEN SCREEN COMPARED TO THE BAD HOME MADE SETS. EVEN HIS FIRST MOVIES WERE A LITTLE GREEN SCREEN AND IT WAS GREAT, BUT IT'S TOO MUCH. 

 Friendship [movie]  OH GOD. THIS WAS REALLY GOOD BUT SO STRESSFUL TO WATCH I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO PUKE. IT'S TIM ROBINSON MEETING HIS "COOL" NEIGHBOR AND BECOMING BEST FRIENDS, THEN BEING WEIRD AND AGGRESSIVE AT A PARTY SO HIS FRIEND 'BREAKS UP', THEN TIM CYCLING TRYING TO WIN HIM BACK, BE AS COOL AS HIM, OR MAKE NEW FRIENDS AS HIS WHOLE LIFE FALLS APART DUE TO THE OBSESSION. IT'S VERY MUCH JUST A SERIES OF 'I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE' SKETCHES, BUT WITH ONGOING CONTINUITY SO THE ERRATIC BEHAVIOR HAS ONGOING CONSEQUENCES. (ALSO AT THE BIG PIVOTAL MOMENT THE GUY SAYS "I THINK YOU NEED TO GO" WHICH IS A REASONABLE AND NORMAL SENTENCE, BUT WAS SAID WITH WEIGHT, AND AS THE BIG MOMENT, AND I STILL DON'T THINK IT WAS A CALL OUT TO THE SHOW, BUT I DO THINK I HAVE THE SAME THEORY NOW I HAVE ABOUT  KAZUO ISHIGURO HAVING A MOMENT HE THOUGHT A STEAM MACHINE WAS THE CAUSE OF THE WORLD FALLING, OR REBECCA SUGAR LEAVING A TOY IN THE YARD WHERE ONE THING ...

 Drop Dutchy [game] I DON'T KNOW, THIS GAME SEEMS REALLY GOOD AND WELL DONE BUT JUST SOME ELEMENT DOESN'T CLICK WITH ME. LIKE, EASY AND NORMAL ARE BOTH TRIVIALLY EASY, THEN HARD IS FAR TOO DIFFICULT, EXCEPT YOU CAN STILL WIN EASILY BY DOING DUMB GIMMICK STRATS. THEN EXTREME SEEMS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE (ALTHOUGH I'M SURE I COULD BEAT IT EVENTUALLY WITH LUCK TO GET THE SAME GIMMICK STRATS BUT WITH MORE BONUSES). I WANT TO JUST KINDA KEEP PLAYING SINCE IT'S A ROUGELIKE, BUT NO MODE IS FUN TO JUST PLAY ON. YOU WILL ALWAYS WIN THE LOWER DIFFICULTIES AND VIRTUALLY NEVER WIN THE LATER ONES. I FEEL LIKE THERE IS SURELY SOME MECHANIC I'M USING POORLY. BUT SOME PART OF IT JUST ISN'T WORKING FOR ME.  PS. I THINK ONE THING IS THE UNCLARITY OF HOW MUCH YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT THE CLAN MECHANIC WHATEVER. LIKE THE THIRD GROUP IS SO INFINITELY STRONGER THAN THE OTHER TWO EVEN THOUGH IT HAS A WARNING IT'S THE HARDEST TO PLAY. BUT I THINK THE REASON IT'S EASIEST IS THAT IT H...

 Klara and the Sun [book, audiobook] AH GEEZ, THIS IS REALLY GOOD. IT'S BY THE GUY WHO WROTE BURIED GIANT BUT A WEIRD GENERIC SCI-FI STORY WITH A YOKO TARO STYLE ANDROID.  IT DEALS WITH THE SAME SORT OF MEMORY/IDENTITY/REGRET TYPE THEMES AND ALSO DEALS WITH THE SAME "A THING RELEASES MIST IS IDENTIFIED AS THE ISSUE WITH THE WORLD" PLOT THAT MAKES ME THINK ISHOGURO HAS SOME WEIRD PERSONAL MYTHOLOGY ABOUT THAT HE WORKS INTO EVERY STORY.  PS. IT'S GOT "ROBOT THAT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT ANYTHING IS" UNRELIABLE NARRATOR THAT DESCRIBES THINGS WEIRD OR WRONG AND THAT'S FINE, BUT THERE IS A COUPLE TIMES I JUST COULD NOT FOLLOW WHAT THE THING DESCRIBED ACTUALLY REPRESENTS. THEY ARE MAKING A MOVIE OF THIS EVENTUALLY AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT JUST TO UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE WAS LOOKING AT AT SOME POINTS. I THINK SHE HAD SOME SORT OF ROBOCOP EYES UI THAT THE BOOK WAS DESCRIBING IN FIRST PERSON WITHOUT EVER EXPLAINING?   

Slippin' Jimmy [television, garbage] MAN THIS IS TERRIBLE. I MEAN, THAT ISN'T EVEN SURPRISING. "THEY MADE A WEIRD BAD BETTER CALL SAUL BABIES CARTOON" IS THE ONE THING THAT WOULD MAKE ANYONE KNOW THIS EVEN EXISTS. BUT IT'S ABSOLUTELY BAFFLING WHAT THIS EVEN *IS*. LIKE I CAN IMAGINE A THOUSAND COHERENT PREMISES FOR A BAD CARTOON HERE, BUT IT'S NOT EVEN (JUST) THAT. IT'S NOT JUST BAD. IT'S LIKE, PREMISE WISE BAFFLING WHY THIS IS THIS. I FEEL PRETTY STRONGLY THEY JUST BOUGHT SOME TRASH PREXISTING CARTOON AND MINIMALLY EDITED IT TO MAKE IT RELATED, BUT IT'S NOT EVEN A LITTLE CLEAR WHY THEY DID THAT. LIKE THE WHOLE THING WAS A WEIRD AMC+ EXCLUSIVE BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY MADE THIS WHAT IT IS? PS. LIKE, YOU'D THINK IT WOULD BE "NOW ALL THE CHARACTERS YOU KNOW ARE KIDS AND INTERACTING IN WACKY MIDDLE SCHOOL SITUATIONS" AND THAT'D SUCK TOO BUT LIKE, IT'S AN IDEA A HUMAN WOULD COME UP WITH. THIS IS "A CHARACTER NAMED J...