Capital Reviews

 Twisters [movie] THE LADY PUT DIAPERS IN THE TORNADO AND MADE AN EVIL TORNADO. PS. YOU DIDN'T WATCH THIS AND CAN'T SAY THAT ISN'T THE PLOT

 Spider-Man: Miles Morales [game] THIS IS A GOOD, SMALL, LIMITED SCOPE GAME. LIKE IT HAS A BUNCH OF OPEN WORLD ACTIVITY SETUP, THEN YOU DO A REASONABLE NUMBER OF THEM AND IT'S LIKE "OKAY, YOU ARE DONE" INSTEAD OF 'NOW DO THIS 500 MORE TIMES" AND THAT IS VERY CHARMING. IT'S A SPIN OFF STAND ALONE DLC TO A DIFFERENT GAME AND THAT IS WHY, BUT IT'S RARE YOU SEE THAT. IT'S VERY "NOW COLLECT ALL THESE WHATEVERS, I WILL MARK IT ON YOUR MAP" AND THEN THERE IS LIKE 5 WHATEVERS AND IT'S A VERY REASONABLE NUMBER.  PS. THIS GAME WAS WEIRD, MILES WAS VERY "I'M A BROOKLYN BOY FROM BROOKLYN, THATS MY MAIN PERSONALITY" THEN WAS LIKE 'OH, NOW I LIVE IN HARLEM ACTUALLY" THEN LIKE, THE GAME STORY WANTED TO BE ABOUT THAT, THE STORY OF HARLEM'S LOCAL SPIDERMAN, BUT THE MAP WAS JUST ALL MANHATTAN SO THAT DIDN'T MATTER EITHER. 

 The Warriors [movie] THIS MOVIE IS VERY BORING AND NOT VERY GOOD BUT I 100, 1000, 1 MILLION PERCENT UNDERSTAND WHY IT'S A CULT CLASSIC. IT'S LIKE AMERICA'S ANSWER TO JOJO OR SOMETHING BUT DECADES BEFORE. LIKE IT'S NOT EVEN PARTICULARLY GOOD STYLE, MOST OF THE COSTUMES ARE DUMB AS HELL, BUT IT'S LIKE, THE MOST STYLE. LIKE EVERYONE IS POSING AND DRESSED UP IN EVERY SCENE. THE RADIO DJ IS SOME KINDA REVOLUTIONARY GIRL UTENA NONSENSE. I CAN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT THIS WITHOUT MENTIONING A BUNCH OF ANIME BECAUSE NOTHING BUT ANIME GOES TO SUCH ABSURD LEVELS OF OVER STYLIZED NONSENSE.  PS. REALLY THE KINDA THING YOU'D MAKE A DRAG SHOW OUT OF. 

 Superman [movie] THIS MOVIE DEFINITELY COMES OUT TOMORROW, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY IT'S PLAYING ALREADY. IN THE 2010S IT FELT LIKE THEY 'SOLVED' BIG BUDGET MOVIES THE WAY FAST FOOD HAS "SOLVED" FOOD. LIKE THEY AREN'T ALWAYS GOOD IN A REAL WAY, BUT LIKE, YOU RARELY GO TO TACO BELL AND SOMETHING ACTUALLY TASTES BAD. I STRONGLY FELT HIGH BUDGET MOVIES HIT THAT POINT, AND THEY DID FOR A WHILE. AND JAMES GUNN WAS THE MAKE MOVIES GOOD MACHINE, AND THEY DID THAT TO SUPERMAN, AND THAT'S THIS, AND IT'S GOOD IN THAT EXACT WAY OF NOT BEING BAD.  PS. THE POLITICS OF THIS WERE REALLY WEIRD, THE WAR FELT SET UP LIKE IT WAS LIKE... RUSSIA VS PALESTINE, BUT FELT LIKE IT WAS UKRAINE VS PALESTINE? WHICH IS A FICTIONAL WAR TO REALLY CONFUSE EVERYTHING. IT DID GET US TO SIMPSONS JOKE USED AS EMOTIONAL MOMENT THOUGH!

 Poop Cruise [movie, nonfiction] HONESTLY THE NAME OF THIS IS BETTER THAN THIS IS. IT HAD SOME REAL REALITY SHOW STYLE EDITING I DIDN'T LIKE AND NOT REALLY A LOT HAPPENED. IT'S A VERY FUNNY NAME THOUGH.  PS. I HATED THE THREE WOMEN AT THE TABLE AND I HATED THE GUY WHO HAD A HARROWING STORY OF NOT POOPING FOR LIKE 4 DAYS

 Escape from New York [movie] THIS FELT LIKE THE TOP OF "MOVIES IT SEEMED LIKE I'D HAVE WATCHED". BOY, THIS REALLY IS THE SOURCE OF EVERY SINGLE THING HIDEO KOJIMA DOES, HUH? I KNEW THAT WAS TRUE BUT I NEVER *KNEW* HOW TRUE.  PS. I WATCHED THIS BECAUSE "THE WARRIORS" WASN'T FREE.